Hypnagogia

It wasn’t all bad there. I still remember how Mom used to take me to Woodrow’s sandwich shop after my exam. It was always such a treat. [[ I miss those sandwiches->AB2]], honestly. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[That’s what I’m thinking about?->AB3]] Sandwiches? (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

So when I emigrated to Sweden for [[work->PCBC1]]… (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[I->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[g->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[I->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[r->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[y->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[d->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[d->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[w->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[c->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[k->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->A6]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[h->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->A6]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length < 1)[[r->A6]] (if:(history: where its tags contains "A-nugget")'s length >= 1)[I guess I really did want to stick it to her.] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I can’t just apologize, though. [[She needs to know how I feel->A8]]. How she took that decision, to pick my own field of study, away from me.

Yeah you know, maybe this isn’t about my coworkers at all, [[it’s about my boss, Lindenberg.->BC2]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Always coming at me with their [[unrealistic expectations.->BC3]] Ten hours of work every day. “Ms. Barnes, you aren’t about to leave are you? The factory depends on you.” Yeah, right. How about hiring more people, hm? (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Also, [[if they weren’t so extremely adamant about having to speak Swedish at work->PCCD1]], (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[I->B4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[c->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[d->B4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[c->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[y->B4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[c->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[m->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[m->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[c->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->B4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->B4]](if:(history: where its tags contains "B-nugget")'s length >= 1)[I could actually communicate] with my colleagues. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

That’s right, they need me here. Maybe that’s what [[I need to remind them of.->B6]] Also, I’m sure it can’t be so damn difficult to allow everyone to speak English with me, right?

Yeah it is. You know, maybe it’s time to accept that I’m just somewhat [[anxious around other people.->CD2]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[I’m earning a metric crap ton of money here anyway.->DE2]] And it’s not like I have a lot of reasons to splurge on anything here. Mega-corporation money. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Honestly, this thing annoys me so much. Everyone is always online, connected and posting meaningless crap. [[Why do they feel like they need to tell their entire life story on the internet?->EA2]] “Oh look at me, I’m a-ma-zing and got myself a 20$ coffee today”. I can’t man. I gotta sleep. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Having to do all this in another language isn’t exactly helping either. Especially in an [[entire group of strangers.->CD3]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

(text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[I->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[w->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[d->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[b->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[g->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[r->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[f->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[I->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[m->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[g->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[d->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[j->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[k->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[v->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[g->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[p->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[r->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->C4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[h->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[g->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[h->C4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length < 1)[[.->C4]](if:(history: where its tags contains "C-nugget")'s length >= 1)[It would be great if I managed to just talk to even a single person though.] With the [[long and dark winters->PCDE1]] here, having a friend that I can actually meet regularly would probably really help with my loneliness. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

That sounds like a plan. Note to self: Walk up to Knut this week and ask for a coffee. [[You can do this.->C6]]

So if I talk to Lindenberg about working part-time only, I suppose [[I could actually still get home while the sun is up!->D5]]

Even if I took half of my income and used it to support Mom - it’s not like her cleaning job is paying super well - (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[I->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[’->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[d->D4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[s->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[t->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[l->D4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[h->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[v->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->D4]] (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[e->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[n->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[o->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[u->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[g->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[h->D4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length < 1)[[.->D4]](if:(history: where its tags contains "D-nugget")'s length >= 1)[I’d still have enough.] I could show up [[late->PCEA1]] or leave early! That sounds great. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[Not like they can refuse anyway.->D6]] They desperately need people working here.

[[It’s not really social media->EA3]] that bothers me, is it? (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Sure it is. I mean, maybe not only but…Ugh okay fine, I know I’m supposed to grab my phone to call (text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "E-nugget")'s length < 1)[[M->E4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "E-nugget")'s length < 1)[[i->E4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "E-nugget")'s length < 1)[[r->E4]](text-style:"fidget")+(if:(history: where its tags contains "E-nugget")'s length < 1)[[a->E4]] (if:(history: where its tags contains "E-nugget")'s length >= 1)[Mira]..and [[Mom->PCAB1]] probably. No one at home has really heard from me since I’ve left. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Maybe I should send her one of those [[Supreme Commander memes->E8]], for starters. Heck, I miss playing that game with her. And I mean, if she does reply, I can still call her.

(if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length < 4)[Yeah that sounds like a plan, I’m sure I can find some pretty rad memes on my hard drive tomorrow. But for now. [[Please. Fall. Asleep.->E9]]] (if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length >= 4)+(button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->ABCDE]]

(if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length < 4)[I can finally do that hiking trip that I’ve been thinking about, then. While the sun is still shining. Heck. Yeah. Speaking of sun, it's probably morning soon so I really need to just [[shut my mind up and sleep->D7]].] (if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length >= 4)+(button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->ABCDE]]

(if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length < 4)[Okay, now that that’s sorted out, if I could just get my snygga röv to [[sleep? Por favor?->C7]]] (if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length >= 4)+(button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->ABCDE]]

(if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length < 4)[Okay okay okay, we’re doing this. Tomorrow I’m talking to Lindenberg. If they don’t like it, I can always find a new job. [[But for now, please, I need to get some rest.->B7]]] (if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length >= 4)+(button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->ABCDE]]

(if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length < 4)[Okay, I can talk to her. Or write her a letter. I think she would appreciate that. But also, it’s 2:00 AM and my alarm is going off in like four hours. [[Sleep, sleep, I need to sleep.->A9]]] (if:(history: where its tags contains "PostNugget")'s length >= 4)+(button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->ABCDE]]

I’m annoyed, but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the [[vibe->N25-Vibe]], like the air itself is judging me. Or maybe I’m just [[codependent->N22-Codependence]] with my own frustration—if I let it go, what would I even think about? I could fix it by [[getting up->N29-GettingUp]], but that would require effort. Ugh, whatever, I’ll just lie here and stare into the [[darkness->N6-Darkness]], hoping it blinks first. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if I’m only calling things [[beautiful->N19-Cool]] because everyone else does? Like, what if the ocean is actually just liquid chaos and I’ve been brainwashed? Maybe that’s why I never got into [[yoga->N21-Yoga]], because stretching to "find beauty" sounds like a scam. Kind of like how [[junior year->N27-JuniorYear]] was supposed to be the best time of my life but instead felt like—wait, did I ever finish that one Spanish assignment? [[Oh no->N4-Spanish]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

A bagel is just a [[hierarchy->N1-Hierarchy]] with a hole in the middle. What’s at the center? Power? Enlightenment? A portal to the bagel dimension? Maybe if I [[think hard enough->N23-Thinking]], I can unlock its secrets, but then again, my [[head is already full->N30-MyHead]] of nonsense. Or maybe bagels are just [[processors for cream cheese->N8-Processors]], running at maximum efficiency to deliver flavor. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if [[performance->N7-IceAndSnow]] was graded like ice skating? Would I get bonus points for style or just fall flat on my face? Maybe real professionals just master [[silence->N24-Silence]], standing there dramatically while everyone assumes they’re geniuses. Or maybe I should fake it by eating [[cheesecake->N9-Cheesecake]] really confidently, like that’s a skill. Then again, I’d probably just end up [[happy->N2-Happy]], and where’s the drama in that? (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I feel like the [[environment->N3-Environment]] is always [[judging me->N10-Judgement]]. I mean really, in the cold dark, all I can really do is play [[Supreme Commander->N26-SupremeCommander]] while trying to have a good time. (text-style:"fidget")[[U->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[g->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[h->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[,->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[I->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[w->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[s->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[h->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[w->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[s->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[’->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[s->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[c->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[l->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[d->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->PCDE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[S->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[w->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[d->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCDE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->PCDE1]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Broadcasts. My brain broadcasts these words into my consciousness. Or the other way around? This [[alien language->N4-Spanish]] sort of. How do I even comprehend myself? Is it just [[vibes?->N25-Vibe]]. I my [[junior year->N27-JuniorYear]], I once created my own language. Conlanging I think it’s called. You couldn’t call it that of course, as it has very little linguistic [[significance->N11-Important]], mainly gibberish. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Yoga is just [[hierarchy->N1-Hierarchy]] for your limbs—one part always has to be above another, or everything collapses. And if I stretch too far, [[goodbye shoulder->N28-DislocatedShoulder]], hello regret. Maybe I should balance it out with [[junk food->N5-Junkfood]], like the universe demands both chaos and control. Or I could just skip the whole thing and go straight to [[nachos->N12-Nachos]], the true path to enlightenment. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Silence is nice… until it isn’t. Like when you’re sitting there, trying to enjoy the peace, but all you can think about is how you should’ve said something earlier at work—how the (text-style:"fidget")[[l->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[g->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[u->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[g->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCCD1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[b->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCCD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->PCCD1]] keeps turning all of my conversations into a mess at work. Maybe that’s why people fill silence with [[happy distractions->N2-Happy]], like humming, scrolling, or aggressively pretending they have something important to do. Or maybe silence just makes food taste better—because honestly, nothing speaks louder than [[cheesecake->N9-Cheesecake]]. Or a [[bagel->N16-Bagel]], if I’m feeling philosophical. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if snowflakes refuse to land unless they see other snowflakes doing it first? [[Ice and snow->N7-IceAndSnow]] might just be the most codependent things on Earth. Then again, [[getting up->N29-GettingUp]] is basically the same—why is it easier if someone else is awake too? Maybe that’s why the [[darkness->N6-Darkness]] feels heavier alone. At least the moon doesn’t seem to mind, just floating there, pretending everything is [[beautiful->N14-Beautiful]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I used to be really scared in the dark. (text-style:"fidget")[[B->PCAB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->PCAB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[c->PCAB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[k->PCAB1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[h->PCAB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCAB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[m->PCAB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCAB1]] Darkness can be really quite [[beautiful->N14-Beautiful]] though. Until the rising sun [[stretches->N21-Yoga]] over the sky and [[dislocated->N28-DislocatedShoulder]] the Darkness. Really quite clever, huh? The dark flees, rather than dissipates. Cowardly even. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Cold snow is no longer wet when it freezes. [[Cool soft, maybe that’s a good dairy meal!?->N9-Cheesecake]]. Nah that already exists, duh. I’m such an idiot. So uncreative. Be nice to yourself. No-one [[judges->N10-Judgement]] you like you do! How wise. Wisdom and Intelligence are quite different. A [[computer->N8-Processors]] is not wise, but arguably more intelligent in some fields.. than humans! The [[crucial->N11-Important]] part lies within the little things that make humans. Like taste-buds tasting salt and flavory powders. On [[chips!->N12-Nachos]]. Edible Chips.. Not the tech stuff. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if I stretch too hard and suddenly—pop—my arm just [[lies there->N13-LyingAround]], completely independent, like it’s gone on strike? Would I have to negotiate with it? Maybe offer it [[junk food->N5-Junkfood]] as a peace treaty? Or would I just become breaking news on some [[live broadcast->N20-Broadcast]], “Local Idiot Loses Arm to Overconfidence”? Honestly, if my arm is leaving, I hope it at least grabs some [[nachos->N12-Nachos]] on the way out. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Getting up is a [[cool concept->N19-Cool]], in theory. But actually doing it? Feels like escaping [[a black hole->N6-Darkness]] while my blanket clings to me like it’s emotionally attached. Maybe if I convince myself that mornings are [[beautiful->N14-Beautiful]], I’ll stop hitting snooze. Or I could try [[yoga->N21-Yoga]], but knowing me, I’d just end up napping in downward dog. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if I’ve spent my whole life worrying about the wrong [[important things->N1-Hierarchy]]? Like, what if remembering my WiFi password is more critical to my survival than filing my taxes? Maybe that’s why I [[fail->N18-Fail]] at things—my brain is hoarding useless trivia instead of functional life skills. If life were [[a strategy game->N26-SupremeCommander]], I’d definitely be the guy investing all my resources into the wrong tech tree. Or maybe [[the environment->N3-Environment]] is secretly in on the joke, watching me struggle like some sort of sitcom protagonist. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Why do I only remember random Spanish words at 2 AM? Like, I could be fluent in something [[cool->N19-Cool]], but instead, my brain has decided that “el queso” is a [[priority->N11-Important]]. Maybe that’s why I [[fail->N18-Fail]] at languages—because my memory hoards useless vocabulary like a dragon guarding verbs I actually need. If this were Comandante Supremo ([[Supreme Commander->N26-SupremeCommander]]), I’d definitely be losing the war against basic sentence structure. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

One thing above the other. A [[natural->N3-Environment]] order? That sounds so toxic. Not like yummy food. [[You wouldn’t eat Junk!->N5-Junkfood]] I don’t want to throw up again from things that are not food in my tummy. One word: “[[Taco->N4-Spanish]] Bell”. Loud Bells ringing in my ears. Tinnitus. When it’s [[dark->N6-Darkness]], things are louder! LoL. Laughing out Loud from [[Happiness->N2-Happy]]. I’m pretty sure it’s 2 words. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Should I get up? But if I do, will I ruin the [[beautiful balance->N14-Beautiful]] of everything perfectly scattered around me? Or will I just be [[annoyed->N15-Annoyed]] at how much effort it takes? Maybe I should roll dramatically onto the floor like a [[bagel->N16-Bagel]]—bagels don’t have responsibilities. Then again, lying here is kind of a [[performance->N17-Performance]], like I’m playing the lead role in "Person Who Totally Meant to Be Here." Until I remember I was supposed to do something important. [[Oh.->N18-Fail]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Junior year. That was the year of [[ice and snow->N7-IceAndSnow]]—not the weather, but the feeling. Slipping through exams, skidding past deadlines, crashing straight into regret. It’s funny how memory works. I barely remember what I studied, but I definitely remember the exact shade of blue on my professor’s ugly sweater. And Spanish. [[Why was I even learning Spanish->N4-Spanish]]? Did I think I’d suddenly wake up fluent one day, just from sheer panic? No wonder I spent more time conjugating procrastinar than actual verbs. But hey, maybe [[it was important->N11-Important]]. Or maybe I just told myself that because failing would’ve felt worse. Which I did. [[Fail->N18-Fail]], I mean. Just once. Just a little. And yet, my brain won’t shut up about it at 2 AM, like it’s some grand tragedy. I should’ve just skipped junior year entirely. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Cheesecake is just [[cool->N19-Cool]] cake that decided it didn’t need to rise to be special. A [[bagel->N16-Bagel]] is basically its bready cousin—round, misunderstood, often eaten too fast. Maybe that’s why I feel [[codependent->N22-Codependence]] on desserts, because they never judge me, unlike my alarm clock. Or maybe my brain just latches onto [[random thoughts->N30-MyHead]] so I don’t have to think about real problems. Either way, now I want cheesecake. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if inanimate objects are [[judging me->N25-Vibe]]? Like, my phone silently screaming, “Wow, another five-hour doomscroll? Impressive.” Maybe that’s why I overthink [[performance->N17-Performance]]—even my furniture probably has opinions on my posture. Or maybe true peace is in [[silence->N24-Silence]], where nothing can side-eye me. But what if ignorance really is bliss, and the key to [[happiness->N2-Happy]] is just never wondering if your lamp thinks you're cringe? (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

If my brain had a processor, it’d be [[lying around->N13-LyingAround]], overheating, and refusing to update. Maybe that’s why I’m [[annoyed->N15-Annoyed]] all the time—because my mental RAM is constantly maxed out on useless thoughts. Or maybe I just run on [[codependence->N22-Codependence]], like I need someone else to remind me to function properly. Either way, I could probably [[get up->N29-GettingUp]] and restart, but that sounds like a tomorrow problem. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Strategy. Tactics. [[Hierarchy->N1-Hierarchy]]. Everything has its place, its role. Like an army of tiny, pixelated units… or a stack of pancakes. If the top pancake refuses orders, does the whole stack collapse? But war is never that simple. [[Environment matters->N3-Environment]]. Snow maps? Tanks slip around like confused toddlers on ice. I wonder if my brain is just stuck on [[the wrong battlefield->N10-Judgement]]—trying to win a strategy game where everyone else is playing life. No, that’s not it. I’m just [[underperforming->N17-Performance]]. Clicking the wrong buttons, moving the wrong units. Maybe I should just Alt+F4 my thoughts and restart the match. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I should really stop eating Nachos honestly, especially while watching [[TV->N20-Broadcast]]. That food makes me slow, maybe that’s why I’m always having trouble with (text-style:"fidget")[[s->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[h->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[w->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[g->PCEA1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[u->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[p->PCEA1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->PCEA1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[t->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[m->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCEA1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[t->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCEA1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[w->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->PCEA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[k->PCEA1]]. Then again, I want to believe that eating nachos will improve my [[Spanish->N4-Spanish]] more than that silly class I took in my [[junior year->N27-JuniorYear]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if my room is just an ecosystem, and I’m the invasive species? My clothes are [[lying around->N13-LyingAround]] like fallen leaves, my desk is a disaster, and I just know my chair is [[judging me->N10-Judgement]] for it. Maybe if I move fast enough, I can trick my brain into thinking I’m [[performing productivity->N17-Performance]] instead of just existing in my own mess. Or maybe I should just embrace the chaos and become one with the [[silence->N24-Silence]], like a truly enlightened raccoon. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if being cool is just a [[broadcast->N20-Broadcast]] signal, and I’ve been on the wrong frequency my whole life? Maybe that’s why I never mastered [[yoga->N21-Yoga]]—cool people probably don’t collapse into a human pretzel and call it “self-care.” Or maybe coolness is just [[codependence->N22-Codependence]], like sunglasses only look good because everyone agrees they do. If I think too hard about it, I’ll probably break the illusion, which is why [[thinking->N23-Thinking]] is the enemy of being cool. Or maybe the real cool people are just the ones who master [[silence->N24-Silence]], never saying anything dumb at 2 AM. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Var vänlig och se till att all utrustning inte lämnas på golvet. Don’t leave your equipment [[lying around->N13-LyingAround]]. [[Right, I know.->PCCD2]] They [[broadcast->N20-Broadcast]] this at the factory so often it won’t leave my head. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I don’t get it. When I’m alone, I understand and speak Swedish just fine. [[But when I’m around other people, I just get so nervous->PCCD3]], I can’t remember the damn words. But of course, that is precisely when my [[junior year->N27-JuniorYear]] Spanish class kicks in. [[Sí, por supuesto que recuerdo todo esto.->N4-Spanish]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[Hej, jag heter Joane, trevligt att träffas. Skulle du vilja ta en kaffe efter jobbet med mig?->PCCD1]] Hi, I’m Joane! Would you like to grab a coffee after work? Hej, jag hetjo Heane- ugh NO, it’s Hej, jag. HETER. JOANE. Jag heter Joane. (text-style:"fidget")[[C->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[’->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[m->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->CD1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[J->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[,->CD1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[i->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[’->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[s->CD1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[n->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->CD1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[t->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[h->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->CD1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[d->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[f->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[f->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[c->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[u->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[l->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->CD1]](text-style:"fidget")[[.->CD1]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Grgh, forget about Spanish. It’s [[important->N11-Important]] I speak Swedish well enough here so that I at least don’t have to [[fail->N18-Fail]] at [[basic communication->PCCD4]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[Maybe I should take some vitamin tablets?->PCDE3]] I’ve heard vitamin D works wonders on your mind when it’s dark all the time. [[Or I could do yoga.->N21-Yoga]] Doesn’t everyone always say that yoga helps with calming the mind? Yeah I don’t know if I’m up for [[dislocating my shoulder->N28-DislocatedShoulder]] at 6 AM… (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

If there is one thing I don’t like about Sweden, it's the fact that it’s always cold and dark. [[Ice and snow->N7-IceAndSnow]]. And snow and ice. And ice and snow. When I’m working and it's winter time, [[I basically never get to see the sun.->PCDE2]] The nature sure is [[beautiful->N14-Beautiful]] up here though. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[Am I even eating properly?->PCDE4]] If I stopped consuming [[junk food->N5-Junkfood]] seven days a week, I probably wouldn’t need to get myself expensive supplements. On the other haand…[[nachos do taste pretty good.->N12-Nachos]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Half of the time, I can barely [[understand my coworkers.->PCBC1]] When I signed the (text-style:"fidget")[[d->BC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[a->BC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[m->BC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->BC1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[j->BC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->BC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[b->BC1]], they assured me I would be able to communicate with English just fine. Om det ändå vore sant… (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

But the [[environment->N3-Environment]] there is incredibly toxic. [[Everyone keeps to themselves.->PCBC3]] Just silently judging. Me. [[Judging me.->N10-Judgement]] Me judging.Toxically. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I just feel [[uncomfortable->PCBC2]] at work. I mean sure, being part of a semiconductor factory means I always get to have the [[coolest->N19-Cool]] CPU, so more [[Supreme Commander->N26-SupremeCommander]] on max settings. That’s pretty dope, actually. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I do wonder if my colleagues are unhappy with my [[performance->N17-Performance]], [[like my boss.->PCBC4]] Judging me. [[Silently->N24-Silence]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

No no. Jo, this isn’t the [[time to be thinking->N23-Thinking]] about cream cheese, I meant my [[home town->PCAB4]] of course. New York Cheesecake. Cream Cheese bagel ye-hes pleasee. God, I hate [[my head->N30-MyHead]] sometimes. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I mean it is tasty though, that's for sure. Makes for a killer [[New York Cheesecake->N9-Cheesecake]]. Or a cream cheese [[bagel->N16-Bagel]]. Great, now I’m starving. [[C’mon, really?->PCAB3]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[Philadelphia->PCAB1]] ..that town…I hated studying there, at UPenn. Such an awful place full of entitled people. I guess without Mira I could have never done it anyway. Well and then there’s (text-style:"fidget")[[M->AB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->AB1]](text-style:"fidget")[[m->AB1]] obviously. She still lives there. If she is okay, that is. Cream Cheese Cheesecake. Philadelphia Bagel. Ugghh it just won’t shut up. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

That's right, I couldn’t find my (text-style:"fidget")[[p->EA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[h->EA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->EA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->EA1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->EA1]] right when I wanted to leave. That's why I was late. Jo, come on, late late late, it’s not that bad. [[Or maybe it is?->PCEA1]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

They can't stop [[getting up->N29-GettingUp]] when it’s STILL dark and then coming home when it’s [[dark again->N6-Darkness]]. But honestly, [[why am I always late?->PCEA4]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Ugh, I was [[ten minutes late today->PCEA2]] and my [[boss->N1-Hierarchy]] immediately shouted at me like I dropped ten of our [[processors.->N8-Processors]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

There is something about [[Philadelphia->PCAB2]] that just feels off to me. The whole [[vibe->N25-Vibe]] of it just never really made me that [[happy->N2-Happy]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

I’m so [[annoyed->N15-Annoyed]] I was [[late->PCEA3]] though.. My [[coworkers->N22-Codependence]] are all so judgemental about this. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Oookay - let’s back up for a second. Before I visit the nearest pharmacy and [[spend an unholy amount of money on influencer supplements to fight the long nights->PCDE1]], couldn’t I also (text-style:"fidget")[[t->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[h->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[k->DE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[a->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[b->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[u->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->DE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[r->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[d->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[u->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[c->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[g->DE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[m->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[y->DE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[w->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[k->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[n->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[g->DE1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[h->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[u->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[s->DE1]](text-style:"fidget")[[?->DE1]] (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What if happiness is just a [[cheesecake->N9-Cheesecake]] that hasn’t been eaten yet? Like, it exists in full potential until reality takes a bite. Or maybe it’s more like a [[bagel->N16-Bagel]], complete but always missing something in the middle. Thinking too hard about it makes it disappear, like how [[ice and snow->N7-IceAndSnow]] melt the second you try to hold them. Maybe I should stop [[thinking->N23-Thinking]] about this before I ruin it. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Thinking about thinking is dangerous. One second, I’m contemplating life, the next, my thoughts are just [[lying around->N13-LyingAround]], cluttered like a room I refuse to clean. Maybe my brain is [[overheating->N8-Processors]], running a thousand tabs at once, none of them useful. Or maybe it’s just [[annoyed at itself->N15-Annoyed]] for existing. Either way, I can’t turn it off, and [[my head won’t shut up->N30-MyHead]]. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

My head won’t shut up. It just keeps looping through the same thoughts—like how (text-style:"fidget")[[w->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[k->PCBC1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[s->PCBC1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[d->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[f->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[f->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[i->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[c->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[u->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[l->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[t->PCBC1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[f->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[o->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[r->PCBC1]] (text-style:"fidget")[[m->PCBC1]](text-style:"fidget")[[e->PCBC1]], and I can’t tell if I’m actually struggling or if everyone else is just pretending it’s easy. Maybe my brain just isn’t running at full speed, like an old [[processor->N8-Processors]] about to overheat. Or maybe I’m just [[annoyed->N15-Annoyed]] at myself for caring so much. Either way, I keep falling into the same trap—overthinking, overanalyzing, and [[leaning on distractions->N22-Codependence]] just to make it through. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Vibes are weird. Like, how do I know if something has a [[Supreme Commander-level strategy vibe->N26-SupremeCommander]], or just the chaotic energy of [[Junior year->N27-JuniorYear]]? Maybe vibes are physical, like an aura, or maybe they’re just my brain [[dislocating itself->N28-DislocatedShoulder]] from reality. If that’s the case, waking up should reset everything, right? Except [[getting up->N29-GettingUp]] is its own cursed experience, and my [[head won’t shut up->N30-MyHead]] anyway. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Junkfood is a quite demeaning name. If I was a junk food… girl, like a [[schoolgirl->N27-JuniorYear]] junk food kid.. I would be a [[Nacho chip.->N12-Nachos]] My tip would point up, like a pyramid. What a [[vibe.->N25-Vibe]] If this was real, it would be on [[TV->N20-Broadcast]] almost like one of those Rick and Morty episodes about the intergalactic channels or whatever it was called. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

What? How did I…? Oh right, I just had another nightmare. Okay, phew, calm down, Jo, [[you’re in your bed, safe and sound.->0]] Why did it happen again? Is my subconscious trying to tell me I’m not ready to sleep yet?

[[...->ABCDE2]]

But I don’t know. [[I haven’t called Mira->E7]] since I arrived in Skelleftea. She’s probably really mad that I left home.

No, [[don’t remind me->E5]].

It will just be more embarrassing [[the longer I wait->E6]].

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I’m thinking about [[Mom->AB4]], obviously. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

She really didn’t like it when I left. But it's her fault. [[She made me study all this garbage.->AB5]] “Then we will have an engineer in the family, isn’t that exciting Hun?” Tz, sure, whatever. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

Yeah, and it got me nowhere. I feel incredibly alone here. Without my family. Or one of Woodrow’s sandwiches, really. [[Isn’t it time to forgive her?->A7]] We’ve been fighting for almost a year now.

[[Maybe it’s time to let them know->B5]] what I’m really doing for this company. Heck, they couldn’t tell high quality processors from crappy ones if they jumped them in their face.

Maybe I can try and [[invite Knut for a coffee->C5]] sometime soon. He seems friendly enough, and if I’m being honest, a little awkward around other people too.

[[Advantages of being a chemical engineer->DE3]], I guess. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

My head is like a courtroom, but the judge only speaks [[Spanish->N4-Spanish]], and I’m on trial for crimes I don’t remember committing. The jury? A panel of [[bagels->N16-Bagel]], silently judging me, unblinking, unimpressed. My defense lawyer keeps whispering that I have [[codependence issues->N22-Codependence]], but I think he might just be me in a wig. Meanwhile, the prosecution is arguing that I deserve [[a dislocated shoulder->N28-DislocatedShoulder]] just for existing incorrectly. I try to object, but [[judgement->N10-Judgement]] has already been passed—I’m guilty of something, I just don’t know what.

My head is like a weird, glitchy ecosystem. [[The environment->N3-Environment]] is all wrong—too much mental pollution, not enough brain trees. Somewhere in there, a lone [[cheesecake->N9-Cheesecake]] is floating by like a rare species I forgot to protect. Meanwhile, frustration is thriving—[[annoyance->N15-Annoyed]] is an invasive species, spreading like weeds. Maybe I should try [[yoga->N21-Yoga]] to restore balance, but knowing me, I’d just dislocate something and end up reminiscing about [[junior year->N27-JuniorYear]], when my brain was at least pretending to work properly.

My head is like a tab hoarder’s browser—too many open, none of them useful. One is just looping an ad for [[happiness->N2-Happy]], but the skip button is broken. Another is running some outdated [[processor->N8-Processors]] test, but all it says is "Error: User Not Found." The next one? A livestream of the [[universe being beautiful->N14-Beautiful]], except it's buffering. Somewhere, in the background, a voice is narrating all of this like it’s a [[live broadcast->N20-Broadcast]], and I don’t remember subscribing. And at the very bottom, the last tab is running [[a war simulation->N26-SupremeCommander]], but all my troops are just standing around, waiting for orders I don’t have.

My head feels like it’s buffering. Stuck in [[darkness->N6-Darkness]], waiting for a loading bar that never moves. Maybe if I eat [[nachos->N12-Nachos]], I’ll unlock a hidden level where I actually know what I’m doing. Or maybe I already [[failed->N18-Fail]], and no one told me—like I’m in an exam I didn’t study for, but the exam is just existence. I should embrace [[silence->N24-Silence]], but my brain keeps hitting “refresh,” so here I am, stuck inside [[my own head->N30-MyHead]] again

My head is hosting a very serious debate. One side argues that [[junk food->N5-Junkfood]] is the most important thing in life; the other side insists that actual [[important things->N11-Important]] exist, but no one can name one. Meanwhile, a third group is holding up scorecards, judging my [[performance->N17-Performance]], but I don’t know what event I’m competing in. Maybe it’s a mental marathon, or maybe I just forgot how to stop [[thinking->N23-Thinking]]. Either way, the real winner is [[staying in bed->N29-GettingUp]], because I’m definitely not getting up anytime soon.

Honestly, lying in bed ranks [[at the very top of my list->N1-Hierarchy]] of cool things to do. Just me, wrapped up like a burrito, not moving—perfection. Outside, it's probably all [[ice and snow->N7-IceAndSnow]], but in here, I'm safe, still, like an object [[lying around->N13-LyingAround]], exactly where it should be. And isn’t that the dream? Just existing, effortlessly, radiating [[cool energy->N19-Cool]] without even trying? What a [[vibe->N25-Vibe]], honestly. (button:"X===")[[Drift off into sleep->PNM]]

[[(You manage to get a good nights sleep, free of any more nightmares)->ABCDE3]]

(Thank you for playing.)

Thoughts you have already discovered like [[this one->-3]] will be highlighted in a different color. Are you prepared to [[doze off->-1]]?

Navigation is achieved by clicking on the [[highlighted words->-2]] that lead to your next idea.

Hypnagogia is a game about trying to fall asleep when your mind won’t let you. [[Navigate->-3]] through endless thought loops and try to discover the ones that are really keeping you up instead.

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